Isolation

Isolation was one of the most hardest feelings I've had felt throughout my life.
It didn't occur to me back then.
Every time I had any sort of word that some body would play with me or potential person to be friends with, I was so excited.
Almost too excited.
I would prepare for something to do with each other before they come to see me.
I would bring game boys and mentally rehearsed what I would say.
I would just think about it over and over again. I kept saying in my head, " I can't wait! I can't wait!"
I would fantasize the idea that we would be talking and having so much fun.
We would write letters and share everything about ourselves.
Then, the moment came and my expectations where shot.
It was one and done. I saw them. They saw me. We exchanged a few words. It was over.
Back to the life of isolation.

There were people that didn't add any value to my life.
I was merely some accessory; No human connection at all-- that is what I felt.
Now?
I learned that it's okay to be alone.
I let my sadness go and as a result I feel this deep peace that I've been longing for.
People come and go.
I still have me. I have the ability to be friends with me and have fun.
I don't feel isolated. I am happy and carefree.
Don't get me wrong-- I welcome anyone in my life who adds any sort of value to my life.
Ultimately, I have the power to change how I feel about my feelings and afterwards feel free no matter what happens.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A little socializing

I don't socialize often outside of work/school, so when I do-- it's refreshing! I don't go out of my way to do it as I think the logistics isn't worth the little to no benefit in certain kinds of people. I was associated with people that didn't help with my growth. One in particular is when you are hanging out with someone and they are talking on the phone. I honestly can't be bothered with someone like that.  I think it's rude when they aren't enjoying your company. I like being mentally connected with person if that makes sense. I am very selfish with my time now and very conscious of who I let people in my life. We (me, my Uncle and mom) went out and ate chinese food. We just talked about life in the city, food, etc. I know we all have our differences in how we live our lives-- that's the beauty of humans. Sometimes it's hard to comprehend that other people can be so different; we need to just accept and appreciate the diversity on this planet...
Read more

Favorite books

Here are the books I feel that have positively impacted my life: Come as you are This book might seem like its about only sex. But it can apply to other aspects in your life. I kept thinking a lot about how I was raised and how that changed my perspective in life. We all have a garden that is planted by how we grew up and not something we intentionally asked for. Sometimes our plants in our garden are negative and hold you back in life. In order to be your own person and grow, you need to plant the flowers you want in your garden and let go of the plants that don't help you. It gives you practical lessons on letting your negative thoughts go to allow you to be more curious and well, I suppose better sex (that part doesn't apply to me, but you get the idea).  When you are holding onto the negative thoughts, this ripples to your career, personal life and everything else. You become more stressed-- you are not in the moment. Your mind is always in the past. This book helps me...
Read more